So apparently some Skrull found out my password and has been posting as me for the last few days. If you've seen any posts or comments from me that seem out of character, it's because of the Skrull. I've been deleting his stuff, but if I've caused any offense, it wasn't me, it was the Skrull.

Yeah, I remember it like it was yesterday. I was the Symbiote Ranger. My Zord was the Squid Zord. Ink, symbiote, these things aren't an exact science. What sucks is that I only got called in to fight the schoolgirl kaiju. I can still see their panties ripping apart. Okinawa was coated in giant bits of plaid skirt...

Okay, Islam. You may not cause as much trouble as AIM, HYDRA, the Red Skull, the Hellfire Club, periodic government attempts to restart the Sentinels, Apocalypse, Dr. Doom, rogue elements of SHIELD, non-rogue elements of SHIELD, superhero infighting, or the Big Wheel. But when you mess with Gwen Stefani's skimpy clothes, it's clash ov the civilizations tiem nao!

I've heard a lot of mean things said about Tony Stark and I'd just like to call bullshit. That is a man that knows how to treat his suit. Ya don't see the guy climbing onto a belltower to leave it huddled and alone and cold in the dark. No, he upgrades that! I wish I could've upgraded my symbiote. But apparently you have to collect twenty of these little Pokemon things before you become "omnipotent", which really just means you grow sixty feet tall. Never a winning move, that. That just means there's more of you to hit. If Thor, Captain America, and the Human Torch try to hit you all at once when you're six feet, no way, not going to happen. Sixty feet, all them, plus the Young Avengers. Seen it happen. I think Richard Nixon did that after his involvement with the Secret Empire. And you thought he just shot himself. I voted for him, actually. Seemed like a nice dude.

Haven't actually voted recently. Me and the symbiote always agreed that our votes would cancel each other out, because I'm a Republican and he's such a black voter. Yeah, like Obama's getting nominated...

Uh-huh, apparently the Hulk's come back after one of his little siestas and now he's taken over the world or something. I don't know, I don't really follow the news as well as I should. Did Paris Hilton end up in jail? See, I'm behind on these things.

Anyway, I am so sick of this Hulk guy! You'd think we'd get along, both of us barely being in the movies that are named after us (okay, Spider-Man 3 wasn't named after me, but who do you think when you think Spider-Man x 3? That's right, baby). But I prefer anyone else, except for Parker obviously. With the Thing, if he picks up your car and throws it, you can be pretty sure that it's going to hit Galactus and that he's going to cut you a check for it. With the Hulk, he'll pick up your car and throw it at the sun because someone spoiled the latest episode of Lost for him. "Hulk smash!" Yeah right. "Hulk need anger management!" is more like it.

Man, those Scientology people take all the fun out of eating brains. All the fun.

I went to see Cletus in the asylum today. He's doing pretty well, considering the fact that Sentry ripped him in half. We still haven't found his legs. I think Namor may be hanging onto them.

He's in good spirits. The guy's taking a big cue from Professor X. Just because he doesn't exist from the waist down doesn't mean he can't have a full, active life. I mean, he's still swearing vengeance against me and Spider-Man, but he's also thinking of adopting a stray dog and maybe even not eating it this time. Stuff like that.

I short-sheeted his bed before I left.

For some reason my posts were deleted from Scans_Daily, so here's a repost of the Siren Echs Men comic.

And in this post, there actually is Logan/Scott sex!



Well, it's more like Psylocke/Logan/Scott/Rogue/Jean/Colossus/Storm/Mystique sex, but both their names are in there.

( Read more... )

I'll host the whole thing on Megaupload or something similiar if anything wants it.

You've heard of smell-a-fart acting? This must be fake-an-orgasm acting.

With both Infinite Crisis and Civil War over, fen's minds should be free of the calamity that comes with event storytelling. A time of peace should ensue in which we digest this spicy new canon. But that's not happening because this is not a time of peace. This is a time when both fandom and creators are split into two increasingly hostile camps. You can see it, feel it, and hear it all the way from Newsarama, from the Superhero Hype right over into the very heart of Scans-Daily itself.

Today we are engaged in an all-out battle between feminism and the "boys' club". And the chips are truly down. Can there be anyone that's so blind they'll say this isn't war? Anyone who doesn't realize that this is the time to take our rightful place as female comics fans? We know that the majority of fans, both in comic fandom and in the mainstream, agree with our position. We could have had the honor of being a shining, living proof that comics were not going to self-destruct. Unfortunately, we've failed to rise to the occasion.

The reason why we find ourselves impotent is not because our enemy has trolled us and called us bitches, but rather because of the treachery of some who have been treated so well by us. Now I know it is very easy for anyone to condemn a publisher or editor in general terms. Therefore, I would like to cite one case, the case of a man who has done much to shape our fandom.

Frank Miller. He birthed what many of us would call the archetypal Batman, indeed the one most recognized and written by fandom today. The Batman of Dark Knight Returns and Year One was tough but fair, formidable but not fearful, someone we could both pity and admire. And yet now, Miller writes nothing but the most misogynistic of trash. The man who gave us the very idea of the female Robin now treats us to a Wonder Woman who decries men as “sperm banks.”

This, gentle reader, gives you somewhat of a picture of the type of individuals who have been shaping our canon. In my opinion DC, which is one of the most important comic publishers, is thoroughly infested with misogynists.

One thing to remember in discussing the misogynists in our industry is that we are not dealing with bastards who deliberately want to portray women as weak and stupid. We are dealing with a far more sinister type of activity because they think their misogyny is good storytelling. Despite all the fervor and criticism towards storylines where female characters are raped, abused, killed off, or otherwise hampered just for being women; they persist in doing so because they know they’ll get a reaction every time.

As you hear this, I know that you are saying to yourself, "Well, why doesn't the industry do something about it?" Actually, gentle reader, one of the important reasons for the misogyny, the Women In The Refrigerators, the lack of a memorial for Steph, the window in Power Girl's costume, the short skirt on Supergirl -- one of the most important reasons why this continues -- is a lack of moral uprising on the part of the comic fans.

This is not hard to explain. It is the result of an emotional hangover which follows every major comic event. As the people see fan favorities die, character potential wasted, and rampant OOCness, they become numb and apathetic. However, I submit that the morals of our fandom have not been destroyed. They still exist. This cloak of cynicism has only needed a spark to rekindle them. Happily, this spark has finally been supplied.

As you know, very recently Marvel came out with a statue of Mary-Jane featuring her in the most heinously sexist position imaginable. She was for all intents and purposes barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. That is the vision of womanhood Marvel is sending to its audience, the wife of its most popular hero demonstrating what wifeliness should be. Submission and complete sexual obediance to the man in here life.

Marvel has lighted the spark which is resulting in a moral uprising and will end only when the whole sorry mess of twisted warped thinkers are swept from the comics scene so that we may have a new birth of equality and feminism in the comic book industry. And I thank them for it.

Look, trust me on this, guys. Not at all real. Mary-Jane is such a pampered princess. She has The Help to do laudnry for her. Don't be fooled by her wholesome red-state Martha-Stewart-as-a-nympthette act. She's like Paris Hilton without the sex tape (that you've seen, anyway). Now, is she as big a slut as Gwen Stacy? No, of course not. Even I use to hear about the "membership perks" of being an honorary Avenger. It's blonde and rhymes with 'glowbob'. You've got to understand, this was back in the sixties. There was some crazy shit going down then. Dr. Strange and Wong? You hit that pad, you came away with some serious ganja. Those two were like Jay and Silent Bob before Jay and Silent Bob were Jay and Silent Bob. The X-Men? One girl, five guys? Oh yeah, things were GOING DOWN.

It was just a cool time. The Wasp could give you a lapdance and it was no big deal, you know? Pym rode around on a chariot made of twelve-year-old Vietnamese boys and that was cool. Me, personally, I was waiting for my big break. Back then, I think I was one of, umm, oh gosh... Dr. Mento's Amazing Attack Crew. We fought Spider-Man in one of those Electric Company books. This was back when Spidey was down-toearth, before the fame got to him. It didn't matter what your mag was, he'd show up and give it a sales lift. NFL Superpro? He'd be there, say no more. Nowadays, he's only in it for the money. He shows up on a guest spot, it's because of contractual obligations. He'll show up forty minutes late, drunk and reeking of sex. It used to be about freedom, man. Now it's just about the continuity. Sad times, yo. Sad times.

Despite what you may think, Carnage, you're not just insulting ME when you give me a gift for "Mother's" Day, you're insulting mothers all over America. And puttin a bomb in my fridge ruined a lot of good food. Do you know there are people starving in Africa who would love to eat the food you just bombed!

I haven't gone to see Spider-Man 3 yet, but is it true that Jon Peters made me gay? Because the Brockster is not gay. I'm a hundred percent man, baby! And as for those nude pictures of Parker, lemme tell you something. I'm a stalker. Taking creepy photos of my victim is what I do. So the real question you should ask yourself is why Parker is strutting around like a nudist without the curtains drawn? Fucking tease...

I've always considered myself, spiritually, to be more "street" than "suburbs." If you want to interpret that as me having a "black soul," if you will, I won't stop you. It's part of who I am and it caused me, it caused me some problems growing up, I won't lie. I ran with a gang. The Douglas Six. Yeah, that was a nasty way of life. Hanging out after school, smoking weed. The "whacky tobacky," we called it. Did that lead to me being a "supervillain," if you will? It may have.

But now I'm a winner and winners don't use drugs. That's Step Two of Kick Your Way To Fitness. That's why I know girls. Because I don't let drugs or a lack of exercise get in the way of me having a happy, healthy life.

Not that the drugs are a black thing. That is not part of my identity as a born-white African American. What it is is the rap music, the appreciation for Wanda Sykes' comedy, the tribbing... that is what connects me to my roots in the African nation. It's a strong feeling of community that you just don't get in the white America ratrace.

You know, The Wicker Man really wasn't that bad... no, wait, I'm thinking of sclerosis. My bad.

Once, I hosted a People's Court spin-off, Vigilante's Court, in the Mojoverse. It was gonna be great. We were gonna have Pun and Scourge as guest judges and the gavel was a sledgehammer. A bit unwieldy for the puny humans (little Hulk humor there) that are your usual vigilantes, but it's a pretty striking visual when you have super-strength. Especially when you pronoucne someone guilty and say "By Odin's beard, thou art undone!" Than you throw it at them, Thor-style, and SPLAT!!1! We had problems with the FCC, let me tell you that much. And that other government agency, the one that doesn't let you kill people? FBI, right, yeah. Buncha sticks in the mud, them.

Unfortunately, Mojo aired our series out of order and on Friday nights too, so it was canceled pretty quickly. Although we do have a pretty strong cult following and there's talk of a DTV movie. Frankly, I'm not coming back without approval over the script and the original director signed on.

Okay, a lot of people have been asking me on Facebook about Spider-Man and how I feel about his public unmasking, considering I'm one of about two villains who know who he really was. That was a leg-up, lol. Dr. Octopus, he has to go start a giant smog machine to get Parker's attention, all I have to do is ring on his front doorbell.

Truthfully, I'm a little disappointed in the guy. He's an attention whore. Always reinventing himself to get more attention. Over at the Distinguished Competition, some guy grows a mullet once in a while, that's it, they're done. This guy has to get in touch with the mystical arts (oh, could he hop on the Harry Potter bandwagon MORE?) and get organic webbing, which I was doing twenty years before his punk ass ever thought it up, and then he learns that his ex-girlfriend used to cheat on him. Oh, world's tiniest violin playing just for your dead girlfriend's fidelity, Parker. And when he can't be at the middle of a big damn event, the guy milks angst like a Swedish goat. "Oohhh, my uncle is dead, boohoo, my girlfriend is dead!" Yeah, I went through a fucking divorce that practically took organs out of my body, ya don't see me complaining, jak! Career ruined, do I whine and moan about it? No, I went to get revenge on the guy responsible for inadvertently exposing that I ran a fake interview with a serial killer. That's called being pro-active about facing negative life energies. It's step three of the Seven Step Program in Kick Your Way To Fitness. I gave it five stars on the Amazon.com review board.

So yeah, public ID? I'm not that impressed. He'll do anything to get publicity. You didn't hear it from me, but I hear he's joining the Kaballah later. Even Ms. Marvel don't stoop that low and she gave Tony Stark a blowjob, like, twenty minutes after he became Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. DID NOT HEAR IT FROM ME.

Is anyone else looking forward to Drive? I know it's just Cannonball Run for the Lost genre and it's not going to last more than half a season, but I could watch Nathan Fillion in anything lol

He was a real class-act about it, though. A lot of superheroes, they're make a really demeaning quip as they knock you around (coff coff Parker coff coff!). But Cap, he was kinda nice about it. I guess that's what I get for trying to tackle the Sentinel of Liberty, lol.

Anyway, looks like I'm being transferred. MODOG was a complete failure against the Captain, so the whole staff is being reassigned. I just hope they transfer me to a higher-paying job!

Just got back from orientation. It's like the boot camp to get you ready for boot camp. Basically it's a bunch of talk about how great AIM is and how cool we are and how we're all part of the AIM family and every single one of us is going to have a harem of Scarlett Johannson bio-clones in the new world. Shyeah, whatever, I just want a paycheck. It'll be good to get back to some good old fashioned villainy again.

Before you ask, no, I'm not wearing one of the yellow beekeeper suits. I asked for record-keeping, so it's business-casual all the way. Mostly it's just assisting Dr. Rasmussen. He's the guy who created the first MODOK, and he just keeps cranking 'em out. Now he's up to MODOG. It's just this giant, big-headed Dalmation in a floating doghouse. I don't know what to say. I'm thirty-four years old and I'm playing tug-of-war with a hydrocephliac canine. Well, I'm not gonna be satisfied with this. I'm gonna go in for a promotion as soon as I can. Watch out world, here comes Eddie!